You and Your Bloody Fans
by Clarra-Night
Summary: Silly humourous one-shot set within Ragnarok. Loki's eye-roll at Thor taking a photo with the two human girls wasn't the start of his exasperation at Thor's fans that day. Rated T to be safe (potentially a K )


**The last section with Andrea and Cass was unsurprisingly fun and surprisingly painful to write. Please h** **it the 'back' button if you are looking for a serious, sad, and/or intelligent f** **ic.**

 **This one-shot might not make much sense in terms of Thor waiting until they were standing in front of the retirement home being demolished to tell Loki how he mourned and cried for him… Unless you feel that their relationship is such that one of them might wait until a good deal of irrelevant banter is over before addressing something like that. Up to you.**

 **By the way, this isn't one of the two other in-progress stories I mentioned in the author's notes of _Us, In The End._ But the fun from brainstorming it was well worth the sudden unintentional spasms of blubbery laughter in the middle of various public places. **

* * *

The air had that fraction of a second of stillness after the Bifrost's kaleidoscopic light evaporated. Thor blinked away the hot Midgardian sunrays that replaced it, while car horns blared in the distance.

Skurge – strange man – had evidently placed them in some kind of deserted alleyway of the city, the humming energy of New York waiting to envelope them a few yards away once they stepped out.

"What a _useless_ man."

Beside him, Loki was already dressed in Midgardian clothing. Although Thor was yet to spot an ordinary human man clothed in an utterly black suit in broad daylight. Thor looked down at himself to see that his brother must have enchanted his armour and hammer too during the Bifrost journey. The grey hooded jacket and jeans sat surprisingly comfortably on his frame. And he still felt the comfortable weight of Mjolnir in his grip, but his fingers now appeared to be wrapped around a plain Midgardian umbrella.

Loki's face was tilted up at the blue sky scudded by smog and tips of skyscrapers, as if Skurge could be pierced by the glare Loki was aiming at him.

"Fortunately Skurge doesn't have Heimdall's sense of hearing," Thor said.

" _Un_ fortunately," Loki corrected him, turning on his heel towards the alley's exit. Thor followed.

"Didn't you check on him from time to time while you were there?" Thor replied as they walked.

"Initially, but he would so often be playing with what he called a 'shake weight' from Midgard whenever I came, and strangely my visits tailed off after that."

"Well, you did hire him, Brother."

"He was the only one willing to take the job."

They reached the mouth of the alleyway, which was like the skin of a bubble between them and the full flurry of the city. Every glance around gave Thor an eye- and earful of impatient vehicles, chattering, colourful store wares in glass windows, and double doors that either swung or slid. People moved about under the bright sunlight in pairs, families, small throngs, and lone walkers.

Loki continued, "And from what I gather, he missed you largely because he was so distracted by his female company. When I appointed him, in all honesty, I didn't think _that_ was going to be our issue."

"Your issue, you mean," Thor countered. "Had I not forced you to reveal yourself, just how long were you planning to stay disguised as Father?" He was already prepared to grab Loki by the shoulders and shake him, in full view of all humans there. Thor was sure they would not mind – the two of them were quite recognisable.

"Indefinitely. Odin had a good life. Respected. Appreciated."

"King." Thor added drily.

"That was indeed one of the perks."

The urge to shake his little brother by the shoulders – or neck – peaked a little further.

"Well, the good news is that now you have me back," Thor deadpanned.

Loki stepped out of the lane into the city square, his dark outfit drawing a few glances from passersby. "And the bad news is that now youhave _me_ back." The reply drew even more stares.

Loki's voice was jostled by the people between them; Thor had to duck around a young couple deciding to kiss avidly on the sidewalk to reach him. All the noise and colour that came with New York collided with Thor's senses, as busily as the people shifting with and against each other like river currents disobeying the basic laws of the cosmos.

"Just take me to him." He twirled the umbrella automatically in his grip – luckily, the familiar metallic melody Mjolnir would have made was evidently hushed by his brother's magic.

He watched Loki's eyes flick over the medley of street signs around them.

"Right this way," his brother said.

* * *

As they stood amid the small cluster of people at the footpath corner waiting for the little lamppost light to turn green, Thor asked curiously, "How are you not being mobbed by everyone right now?"

Loki raised an eyebrow at him; Thor did not doubt that centuries without Loki could lapse and that facial expression would still come second nature to them both. "Why would they? When I visited last time – "

Thor snorted at the verb.

" – I was too up high to catch on camera. And no one was filming me in Germany." The lamppost blinked green, and the two of them moved with the crowd across the road.

"Right, and I suppose with me accompanying you, everyone who recognises me will just guess you're a new Avenger or something?" Thor raised his eyebrow – second nature indeed – at the thought.

"Exactly." Loki looked disproportionately pleased at the notion. "First an Odin disguise, and now this. Appreciation everywhere I go."

"Glory, you mean."

"That would indeed be one of the perks."

"Besides," his little brother gestured with a cavalier nod of his head at the buildings above them, "the city seems to have cleaned up quite nicely. From what I've heard, the major structural damages that several cities on Earth faced after I left – "

"Was forced to leave."

" – were contributions from the _heroes_ of our story."

* * *

They were being followed.

Thor could sense Loki knew, too, though his brother had continued apace with scarcely a glance around except to check street signs. Centuries of training and missions across Yggdrasil had not been lost on either of them. However, Thor doubted the pursuers of either of them had ever been a group of considerably younger, human teenage boys.

Loki muttered something under his breath.

"It's not as if we can't handle several humans without superpowers, Loki." Thor remarked, catching another glimpse in a store window of the boys, who trailed several yards behind them and from the other side of the road. Thor guessed they were not particularly accustomed to following anyone with great stealth – they did not appear to even think to scatter, moving as one conspicuous stopping-and-starting pack.

"Oh, I know," Loki's gaze did not break away from straight ahead of him. "Their intentions are far from antagonistic."

"Um…?"

"You and your bloody fans, Brother," was all Loki answered with.

"Ah." Thor started to grin in spite of himself, seeing Loki roll his eyes heavily in response. "It's not my fault I helped save the Earth. From _you_ and your army."

"Yes, what I wouldn't give to have that army with me again now."

"Be nice," Thor warned, "and let me handle them."

"Handle them?" Loki sounded dubious. "We're going to let them catch up with us? I was hoping I could just spirit us the rest of the way to Odin's location to lose them."

Thor frowned. "You couldn't have done that earlier? Avoiding mingling with my admirers is your incentive to find Father faster?"

"Skurge deposited us in a lane further away than the one I instructed. I needed to orient myself first with the signage here."

"Sure, Loki." Thor grabbed his brother's arm – the fine black fabric felt thick and velvety under his palm – and pulled them to a halt, spun Loki around, and dragged him across the street – ("Didn't even check for cars, Thor. At least set a good example for your _fans_ ") – towards the assemblage of young men. He did not need Loki's skill to read the surprised delight in their expressions.

Admittedly, it was more tiresome than Thor had anticipated.

They wanted an avid description of Asgard and other realms ("So, what's space and all the other planets like?"), which Thor tried to keep as succinct as possible without disappointingly little detail. But whenever he mentioned anything that was apparently exceptionally otherworldly, they would exclaim and enthusiastically probe for more. They seemed to disbelieve him when he told them, no, he was not on Earth for a secret operation for S.H.I.E.L.D., and seemed to want to pry for specifics before one of them fortunately nudged his friends and hissed they should not try find out. Another brazenly asked Thor to flex his arms for them;* if Thor had thought Loki had reached a ceiling of how much revulsion and displeasure he could exude without a change in facial expression, he had been wrong.

Then they wanted his autograph – (Loki had scoffed behind his hand at that) – but none of them had brought a pen, so they insisted on finding the nearest store from which they could purchase one. It was when Loki evidently pretended to search his jacket pockets and conjure a pen to speed along the process that one of them, a young man with white blond hair and broad shoulders for his age, directed their attention to Loki: "And, sorry we've probably been ignoring you man, but so who are you? Do you work with Thor, or?"

"With. Against. It really depends on the day," Loki replied cryptically. The group of teenagers seemed to feel the curtness in his tone, nodding politely before turning back to Thor.

"Speaking of," Thor seized the lull in the exchange, "my brother and I ought to return to – " He registered Loki's glare before the boys' exclamations as a sign he had let something slip.

"Wait, he's your _brother_?" The one with a sharp face and low ponytail – Michael? – flipped between idolising eyes at Thor to curious almost-squinting at Loki. Loki's expression over the heads of Thor's admirers told Thor he would enjoy gouging their eyes out – his own included – with the pen and threading them into necklaces.

But their reactions did not seem overly hostile.

"You guys look nothing alike!"

"When we saw you earlier, we thought you might be one of those S.H.I.E.L.D. agents or a new Avenger accompanying Thor or something," another grinned.

Thor gave an internal sigh of relief. Apparently the family connection between he and the ill-reputed alien invader of New York had not been leaked to the public. But he shook himself. "Yes, my brother and I are on Earth for a reason, so we ought to be on our way."

Before he and Loki stepped away, the white-blond young man asked, "Hey, one last thing – do either of you know the Black Widow's number?"

Thor frowned. "What do you mean by 'number'?"

A fistful of material at his jacket shoulder was abruptly in Loki's fist, and his little brother steered him towards the road curb. "I'll explain later."

After some minutes, they had finally made it a good several paces away from the nearest onlooker.

"You know how we mentioned earlier my being appreciated under the façade as a new Avenger?" Loki glanced at him as they walked. "From now on I think it's best we just tell everyone I tried to enslave humanity."

* * *

The sounds of traffic whooshed by on the road behind them as Thor blinked at the colour-coded map on the signpost. It seemed to him that...

"Brother, why don't we just take the bus, if you say we need to go from here - " Thor poked a red circular symbol on the sign " - to here?" His fingertip touched the yellow square symbol some inches away.

Loki looked at him. "I'm not overly eager to board a bus full of humans who may recognise you."

"It'll get us to where you say we need to be much faster than walking at this pace."

"Not if you're busy flexing for all your admirers and make us miss the stop."

Thor pulled the hood of his jacket up. "Better?"

"Much better. Now we just look like we're part of a bizarre gang."

"Loki, it'll be fine." He prodded his brother towards the bus stop, trying to not let Loki catch sight of the couple on their left who had just begun blinking rapidly at Thor. "Just hurry up and get us to Odin."

Loki glared. "I am not getting on a bus with you."

* * *

On the bus fifteen minutes later - Loki had produced two neat paper rectangles that the bus driver had accepted when they stepped aboard - Thor muttered surreptitiously. "Don't glare at anyone like that, Loki."

"Staring sullenly at the floor is not glaring at anyone, Brother."

"Excuse me!"

Thor pressed his heel on top of Loki's own glossy black shoe warningly as Loki slowly glanced up. The jovial male voice beside them gave way to a set of very white teeth - the young man in a seat row diagonally behind them was smiling at Thor brightly.

"You wouldn't happen to be Thor, would you? The Avenger?" His voice carried until several of the other passengers within four rows of them perked up.

"Er, yes - "

"How'd you get so ripped? I mean, is there anything else you do besides fight training to get like that? I own a gym and I was just sitting over here and wondering if you'd - "

Thor applied more pressure on Loki's foot when his brother began eyeing the emergency exit sign on the bus wall.

* * *

"Here's the deal," Loki said, "if we encounter more of your admirers today that ask you to flex for them: if they're joking, you deal with them. If they're not, _I_ get to deal with them."

"You'd get Earth's constabularies on us."

"Don't worry, they'd probably fall under my umbrella too."

"Stop."

* * *

"Oh my god, look look look…!"

Andrea has her best friend's you-will-not-regret-dropping-everything-to-see-this-right-now voice firmly locked into her brain. "Okay, hang on, this stupid zip – !"

As soon as the zipper teeth of her bag finally cooperated enough to close, she peered towards the blond man Cass was trying to discretely point out to her. Andrea didn't need the gesture – she would recognise that figure even across a black LED light-spangled nightclub.

"Holy _sh**_ , it's Thor!" Andrea's hiss was hybridised with a gasp as she grabbed Cass' arm and shook it hyperactively. Her friend's face mirrored her enthusiasm perfectly.

"Okay, wait, we've got to calm down, wait wait wait, Andrea – "

Andrea loved how Thor – _Thor!_ – was wearing something as simple as a jacket and jeans while on Earth with them. "Why is no one else freaking out?" She abruptly began digging into her pocket for her cell phone.

"Thor wouldn't say no if we asked him for his autograph, right?" Cass was saying. "He seems so nice…"

Andrea finally managed to fish her phone out. "Are you kidding? Not an autograph, let's ask for a photo with him."

"Ooh, yeah, c'mon, before he walks away – !"

She and Cass did their best to casually weave towards him through the stream of people milling along the footpath. Thor was standing with their back to them, for some reason seeming to watch the demolition of the old Shady Acres retirement home.

Cass suddenly shook her arm. "But wait, really, we're actually going to talk to him – ?"

"Yeah dude, how else would we get a photo with him that doesn't make us look like creepers?"

"Okay, wait, I gotta take some deep breaths first and I don't want him to hear me – "

"Oh my god."

"Well, he _is_ a god!"

Andrea laughed. They were about to get a photo with a god. Thank God – (she wouldn't be able to use that phrase seriously from now on) – her job interview had been rescheduled from that day to next week instead, leaving her morning free to meet Cass in the city.

"Your phone or mine?" Andrea asked as they moved.

"Mine, and I'll send you the picture after!"

"Yeah, you better."

But much to her impatience, her friend was pulling her to a stop again. "But what about that weird guy next to him? They look like they're arguing, it'd give him a bad impression if we just randomly butt in…"

"Oh, right." Andrea didn't even notice until then the man in the black suit, who was similarly observing the building being reduced to rubble. "Maybe he's a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent or something?"

"Well maybe we should – oh, it doesn't look serious, cute, Thor just gave him a playful little shove – "

"Why would he do that to an agent?"

"I don't know, doesn't matter, come on – "

They were nearly there – only the newsstand stood between he and them – before Cass, as per usual, got jittery enough and actually suggested they just pretend to photograph something near Thor. But Andrea had always prided herself on being more audacious than her friends. She tugged Cass forward, who surprised her by flashing a grin and darting up to Thor.

"Um. Hi. Would you mind taking a picture with us?"

"Sure."

Andrea knew they were both going to replay his voice in their heads for the rest of the day. Although she was tempted to whack Cass' shoulder for squealing the way she did when Thor agreed.

Andrea felt a little weird standing with her back to his companion, but it was just for a quick photo. As they posed – Thor was adorably mimicking their 'peace' hand signs! They were probably going to giggle over that later – she heard Thor say over the tops of their heads to him, "Start figuring out where he is." She had no idea what that was about.

Afterwards, when Andrea glanced back over her shoulder, Thor was prodding the pavement with the tip of his umbrella. The strange man in the black suit was gone.

* * *

 **All done. It's out of my system. Hope you enjoyed :) And thank you for reading :)**

 ***Did Thor actually do it for them or not?**


End file.
